Sunday, 30 January 2011

Imbolc Thoughts

I really feel a difference in the energies on earth relating to the changing season. For some reason I have not been able to find peace of mind. There seems to be a lot more noise in the house lately and its damaging my mind lol I can’t concentrate. I also feel that my family are being more demanding on me and it’s really interfering in my spiritual time to myself. I feel like I am being suffocated. I don’t know why this sudden difference. I mean, believe me, I dedicate most of my time and energy to my family but I need a part of my waking hours for myself to ground.

I think I’m feeling a little agitated as I feel there are more things I must learn. I feel i need to take some courses, in what I am not aware of yet lol I have also not been as committed to performing rituals as I was before and I am putting this down to the sheer exhaustion of being a mother, a wife, my job on and offline, my video making and a slave to the house. I am just too tired lately to do anything for myself...everything seems such a stress and a strain. One of the choices I must make this Imbolc is to push myself more when it comes to putting more effort into my craft.

Anyway, we are coming up to Imbolc and it’s been on my mind a lot these past few days. I have yet to decorate my altar and I’m aiming to do it tomorrow while the children are at school.

Last Imbolc i made certain promises to the deities and asked for guidance on my path for the year. I can feel the energies of the deities strongly these days and I know I need to re-do the ritual I did last year. I realise that I still have a long way to go before I am in an enlightened enough place to make certain decisions about my path, spirituality, etc.

As I reflect back on how far I have come since last Imbolc, I understand how much I have changed. My whole outlook on life and spirituality in generally has grown and morphed into something I never knew could. Imbolc is the time where I make resolutions or decisions on what I plan to do with my path and the Angels and deities are guiding me in what I need to concentrate on this year.

I was reading over last year’s imbolc ritual that I wrote and performed and I feel I am still at that place, even though I have learned and changed so much. Maybe the things that I researched and studied during the year didn’t really make a difference to my craft and only loaded me with useless information lol

I need some time alone with the deities. I need to really focus my attention on writing my path for this year and seeing what the deities and Angels suggest. I need to be constantly moving, flowing, or I become agitated and stagnant. These are the times I get depressed, when I cannot do the things I want to due to everyone constantly in my space and time and also when the energy isn’t flowing on my path. I am desperately looking for something new to learn which will make an impact on me.

For example; all the books I buy I feel the same old information is just being churned out all over again, the same as I read in the other books or the books before. I am not saying that all my craft is based on what I read in books; quite the opposite, but books seem to kick start some chain reaction within me that gives me inspiration to expand my own path. Nothing seems to make an affect on my path anymore and it’s getting frustrating.

Well this IS a blog on my personal journey, what I would write in my journal, so here you go lol

Either way, Imbolc to me symbolises illumination and probably this is the time I receive enlightenment of some kind. Who doesn't need more light in their life?
I have also been spending a silly amount of time trying to re-design a new YouTube channel layout and it's driving me insane LOL I found a design i liked and then I didn't like it :S This is so like me; unless something blows me away I just don't want it...

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