Saturday, 30 April 2011

The Insanity of a Lightworker

I have to download this into the nothingness

Because no matter how much I dissect my heart

I cannot find myself.

I have to turn myself inside out to discover where my soul has disappeared to.

I have to turn my eyeballs the opposite way around so I can understand what I am not seeing.

Like a constant supply of love and energy my resources have now run dry…I have been drained dry.

I travel to the well of life to inject myself with hope and I find an arid ruin of what was once plentiful.

And when I can no longer give I am rendered useless and faceless and nameless. I am an unidentified walking object. If I conjure up some self made juice then will I be deemed once again worthy? Or will I be side tracked and bypassed to avoid anyone giving anything back?

I have lost my voice. I have lost the words to recover whatever I am, whoever I am.

Does it really matter?

In this empty room of nothingness I find peace.

I find solitude without the buzz of pleas and agonies of others.

This cave of desolation is a safe haven for the used up beings who are no longer of use to others.

This is too much to take.

This is too much to handle.

There is a black mass called death before me and I cannot see over it or around it. It is blocking out the sun.

Cut me…just cut me. Let us create an outlet for this pain which as possessed me like a beast of nightmares.

And as we do so, we see it leaking out of my heart like a poisonous blood that eats away at all like an acid.

When I am no longer useful from the tidal waves of life that crash me to the ground, there are no beings that can feel my frequency. Is it too much to return what was taken?

Now you can kiss me…now you can bite my lips shut so I make no sound.

And this love I have? It is a cold reminder of what can never be.

You don’t hear me…because you choose not to. Don’t ask me for help.