Thursday, 19 May 2011

Giving & Receiving in Relationships

Celestial Blessings,

Now this entry corresponds with a video I made a while back (link at the bottom). I had posted this video on my FaceBook wall and one of my friends asked me,

“But if we expect something back we can get disappointed?”

Now you may not think much of this question, or even how it could spur a whole blog entry, but this question is paramount in understanding the human psyche and the fear of not expecting love back in case you don’t get it. It is a question which enables us to see inside the soul of many who ask the same question, or those who have the same fears. We can see that from this question that many people are givers and they give because their heart naturally wants to do so. A giver needs to act on his/her instinct, to do something which is natural to them, something they must do because it is part of their nature. Yet sadly, those who are givers forget how to take. The vibrations that they give off tell others, “It’s ok, I am a giver, and I will give to you no matter what.” They may even say to people, “its ok, you don’t need to give me anything back, you don’t need to thank me.” Yet we are human! We NEED love in return! We need something back because without the natural flow of energy exchange of give and take there is an imbalance, and it is crucial that we maintain an equal balance otherwise the person giving is left hungry for love and the person who takes becomes selfish.

When one person feels need it means that they are not in a balanced relationship; it means they are not in a relationship where there is an equal amount of giving and receiving. When we give, we need to have the same in return. Of course, this is a cycle that continues to move so that you do not realize where the giving begins and the receiving has taken place. This is how it SHOULD be and MUST be for balance.

Givers have what I call “The Givers Syndrome” and sometimes they subconsciously look for takers. They need someone to TAKE their love off their hands because it is ever flowing and if they have nowhere to give it can cause blockages in their heart chakra. Yet they do not realize that they need to find a giver like themselves. Unfortunately, even if someone finds a giver to be in a relationship with, they may be the stronger one in the giving department and this may turn the other into a taker.

So how do we combat this? How can we maintain a healthy, balanced relationship of give and take? The first is to understand that we must be clear on what our needs and wants are. We must be clear that we are givers AND receivers. Human nature is so that when we tell another they don’t need to give anything back most probably they wont, because you will have gotten into the habit of giving and the other taking.

I am not saying that once you get into a relationship you must law down the laws, but you can first see how the energy exchange is between you. Does this person appreciate your giving and do they give back? Do you find yourself feeling hungry for love, attention, their time? If so then this is the time to state that you are a receiver as well as a giver. You are NOT a bottomless source of energy; you need that source to be refilled naturally. We do not give because we EXPECT something back; we give because in our hearts and minds we believe that it will naturally be given back. When we expect, then this is where we know there is an imbalance and things need to be put into the right perspective.

Yet we must be very clear on what we need in return. If we are not getting this then we need to be very clear that we don’t feel we are receiving as much as we are giving. If still one remains the giver and the other one only wants to receive then you must realize that you deserve more, that you are worth more. Never be afraid to state what you want.

Please note that this can be applied to any relationship, not just romantic. I have had some people criticize my teaching on giving and receiving and this is because they have not truly read to what this teaching applies to. I am not talking about giving to a stranger, or charity work, etc The universe naturally replenishes and rewards us for whatever we do unconditionally, but most romantic relationships do not work on an unconditional basis because there are two in a relationship and both need to work together to make it successful. If two people can give to each other unconditionally then there would be no giving and receiving, there would just be pure love and bliss, but humans are not at the state yet where they can release their ego completely. As humans we NEED each other…we NEED to be in loving relationships because we were created this way. We were created to each give their ‘bit’ to creating harmony and love.


  1. Hi Helen, I have been following your youtube videos for quite some time, I really enjoy them and learn so much, I rarely ever respond to them so after reading this article I had to create a balance.. hahaha... true enough though!!!! I have been single nine years but as you say it applies to all relationships and I certainly feel the imbalance for I am the type to give... rather it is encouragement , love etc......I go through spells where I back off from all relationship other than my family needing a break.. not that I do a lot for them!!! Just the emotional side of it where I feel it is too much on the surface and as much as I try to live in the moment I go back home feeling nothing.. like there was no purpose to it other than to realize it is not for me...I am a crafter and I put all my emotion into it and I have many blogger friends who give me what I feel I need and vise versa... Thank you for this article for now my wheels are turning in my head.. You are beautiful..
    Blessings my new friend

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